Forgiveness is a tricky concept. Since time immemorial, we have been preaching the concept of forgiveness and its benefits. We have been taught to be more compassionate, more understanding and sympathetic.
But, at the same time, we can all agree that forgiveness is not something that comes easily to us. It takes us ages to accept and condone others’ misgivings or deeds. The reason mostly being that we judge our own deeds by our intention and we judge others’ by their actions.
Also, sometimes we are so hurt by things that we often fail to see from the other side. When the intention of the person was not bad, we are so overcome by our own self that acceptance is beyond question and the damage done is beyond repair.
Ability To Forgive: Hallmark Of Maturity
Forgiveness is not an easy emotion and it takes a lot of time for anyone to forgive. The reason is that forgiveness is the highest attribute a person can possess.
The ability to forgive people especially if we have been hurt by them is the hallmark of true maturity and emotional security. Only a very thoughtful and mature person can process their hurt, set aside their feelings about the matter and analyse the situation from the other person’s perspective and find a place in their hearts to forgive the person.
It is a magnanimous thing to do and having the ability to forgive is indeed a testament that the person is of the highest character.
How To Ask For Forgiveness?
There are no set ways to go about asking for or giving forgiveness. It needs to be said that even asking for forgiveness is an art. That is an arduous task even when one knows the mistake is ours and someone’s feelings have been hurt by our actions.
It is imperative that we ask for forgiveness in a very polite and sensitive manner, since it is highly likely that the matter is also very sensitive. We should ask for forgiveness tactfully – an apology should be issued that combines the fact that the person apologizing feels guilty for their actions, regrets the damage done hugely and that the incident in no way is the other person’s fault.
A lot of time most of us go wrong in asking for forgiveness because somewhere down the line, we end up making the other person feel as if either they were not justified in being hurt or it was their fault the mistake happened.
Before asking for apologies we need to strictly remind ourselves that we are not in a position to dictate whether someone else’s feelings were hurt or not.
Also, sometimes we tend to justify our stance or point of view so much that it ends up being a statement on the other person’s fault in the situation. These are two major mistakes that need to be avoided while apologizing.
How To Give Forgiveness?
Coming back to forgiveness, while it should not be something that should be provided liberally but it should indeed be a very well – thought out and reasoned with self kind – of process. Forgiveness and healing go hand in hand. It is not unknown that forgiveness brings closure and it gives a healthy outlet to our hurt and our emotions. But, at the same time, if we hasten the process, we may never get over the incident and that may foster negative feelings in us, which will in turn harm us. Hence, we should be at peace with ourselves, rationally and calmly think about our feelings and why we are feeling so hurt. Most of the times, if we calmly analyze about our feelings we come to know why we are feeling the way we are and it gives a perspective to the whole issue and insight about how to tackle it.
Forgiveness is possibly one of the greatest attribute a person can have. In this article, I tried to write about the what I think are the correct ways to go about asking for and giving forgiveness.