1. I’m reading a book on Anti-gravity.
    It’s impossible to put down.
  2. I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks,
    I am Outstanding.
  3. The News read, ‘Man in boxers leads police on Brief Chase’.
  4. I changed my iPod name to Titanic.
    It’s syncing now.
  5. I tried to catch some fog.
    I mist.
  6. When chemists die, they barium.
  7. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  8. I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid.
    He says he can stop any time.
  9. How does Moses make his tea?
    Hebrews it.
  10. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
    Then it dawned on me.
  11. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
    but I’d never met herbivore.
  12. I did a theatrical performance about puns.
    It was a play on words.
  13. They told me I had type A blood,
    but it was a type-O.
  14. Why were the Indians here first?
    They had reservations.
  15. I didn’t like my beard at first.
    Then it grew on me.
  16. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her Pupils?
  17. When you get a bladder infection, Urine Trouble.
  18. What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
    It goes back four seconds.
  19. Broken pencils are pointless.
  20. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
    A thesaurus.
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