Collection of 100 Best & Hilarious Puns

A pun is a play on words that translates words with similar sounds. this is generally for humorous effects. Here is Collection of best 100 puns

1. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
   It’s okay. He woke up.
2. For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.
3. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
4. Well, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
5. Why do ghost like elevators? They lift their spirits.
6. Did you hear about the guy that got the right side of his body chopped off? I can’t imagine what’s left of him?
7. How do you measure a snake? In inches, they don’t have feet.
8. Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of it’s bark.
9. What do you call a friendly boat? A “Friendship”.
10. What kind of clothes do houses wear? Address.
11. Google is so useless. I looked up lighters, all I got was 10,000 matches.
12. Never invest in funeral industry. It’s a dying business.
13. I knocked my radio over accidentally today. It said “That hertz!”
14. How do spiders communicate? The World Wide Web.
15. What was the capacitor charged for? Battery.
16. Why did the load short-circuit the source? Because it couldn’t resistor.
17. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
18. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
19. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Circumference.
20. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
21. The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.
22. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
23. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
24. When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
25. People who say they suffer from constipation are full of shit.
26. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, But it doesn’t matter none of them work.
27. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
28. People don’t react to when a king farts because it’s a noble gas
29. I threw sodium chloride and a voltaic pile at someone, but I was charged with a salt and battery.
30. Why do people always hate trigonometry? Just cos.
31. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
32. People who jump off Parisian bridges are in Seine!
33. I went to see a theatrical piece on puns. It was actually a play on words.
34. What do you call a murderer that eats too much cereal? A cereal killer.
35. How do trees access the internet? They log on.
36. My mom sometimes likes to dress up as my dad, and my dad likes to dress up as my mom. They’re trans-parent.
37. The sperm bank is opening tomorrow. If you can’t come, let us know.
38. Why should you invite a mushroom to your party? Because he’s a real fun-gi!
39. A large quantity of Viagra was stolen last night. Police are looking for hardened criminals.
40. What’s the worst part of blowing up things in space? You have to planet.
41. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? It was two tired.
42. What did one plate say to the other? Dinner’s on me tonight.
43. Why don’t Atheists solve exponential equations? They don’t believe in higher powers.
44. So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
45. I once ate a watch. It was time-consuming.
46. I was gonna finish this off with a joke about a broken pencil, but it was pointless.
47. I live upon bad puns and have had family refuse to sit between me and my grandfather because of our shared bad jokes and puns.
48. The other answers have a few puns that I know so here are some of mine.
49. Americans can be blamed for the swine flu epidemic. Some of them said that pigs might fly before they had a black president.
50. If you want to make time fly, throw an alarm clock out of the window.
51. What is the diffrence between a woman and a computer?
52. A computer will accept a 3.5inch floppy.
53. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
54. An investigator.
55. Want to hear a joke about a broken pencil? Forget it, there’s no point.
56. Want to hear a joke about ghosts? Yes/No. That’s the spirit.
57. Just because you’re trash, it doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s garbage can and not garbage cannot.
58. What did baby corn said to its mummy corn? Where’s popcorn?
59. Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s soap opera.
60. When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
61. Never trust someone with a graph paper. They are always plotting something.
62. Cop: Whose car is this? Where are you going? What do you do? Miner: Mine.
63. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
64. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
65. Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn’t last too long for fat people.
66. My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends..
67. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
68. I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
69. Which country’s capital has the fastest growing population? Ireland, everyday it’s Dublin.
70. Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
71. I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get any reaction.
72. The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.
73. The way to the cemetery, ‘Go straight and take the last rite.’
74. How does NASA organize a party?  They planet.
75. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
76. Are mountains just funny?  They are hill areas.
77. Why didn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? It was two tired.
78. What do you call dental X-rays? Tooth pics.
79. Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours so they just called it a day.
80. What did the buffalo say when his son went to college? Bison
81. I got new shoes from my drug dealer today. I don’t know what he laced them up with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
82. If anybody was selling drugs…weed know about it.
83. Did you hear about the guy who lost half of his brain? He is all right now.
84. Why do prisoners like the period mark? It means the end of a sentence.
85. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
86. Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
87. I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
88. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it is two-tired.
89. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
90. Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.
91. The furniture store keeps calling me back… But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
92. Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. – He was high on my list of priorities.
93. The best time to open a gift is the present.
94. Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
95. Did you hear about the guy who was hit on the head with a can of soda? He is lucky it was a soft drink.
96. I’d tell a chemistry joke but I wouldn’t get a reaction.
97. I have a few jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
98. I’m glad I know sign language. It’s pretty handy.
99. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He asks the bartender what he owes. The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”
100. The tomato family were walking on the street, baby tomato was little falling behind, Daddy tomato got angry and smacked his son on the head, yelling, KETCHUP!