A pun is a play on words that translates words with similar sounds. this is generally for humorous effects. Here is Collection of best 100 puns
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s okay. He woke up. - For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- Well, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
- Why do ghost like elevators? They lift their spirits.
- Did you hear about the guy that got the right side of his body chopped off? I can’t imagine what’s left of him?
- How do you measure a snake? In inches, they don’t have feet.
- Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of it’s bark.
- What do you call a friendly boat? A “Friendship”.
- What kind of clothes do houses wear? Address.
- Google is so useless. I looked up lighters, all I got was 10,000 matches.
- Never invest in funeral industry. It’s a dying business.
- I knocked my radio over accidentally today. It said “That hertz!”
- How do spiders communicate? The World Wide Web.
- What was the capacitor charged for? Battery.
- Why did the load short-circuit the source? Because it couldn’t resistor.
- He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
- The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Circumference.
- A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
- The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.
- It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
- Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
- When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
- People who say they suffer from constipation are full of shit.
- I have a few jokes about unemployed people, But it doesn’t matter none of them work.
- A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
- People don’t react to when a king farts because it’s a noble gas
- I threw sodium chloride and a voltaic pile at someone, but I was charged with a salt and battery.
- Why do people always hate trigonometry? Just cos.
- A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
- People who jump off Parisian bridges are in Seine!
- I went to see a theatrical piece on puns. It was actually a play on words.
- What do you call a murderer that eats too much cereal? A cereal killer.
- How do trees access the internet? They log on.
- My mom sometimes likes to dress up as my dad, and my dad likes to dress up as my mom. They’re trans-parent.
- The sperm bank is opening tomorrow. If you can’t come, let us know.
- Why should you invite a mushroom to your party? Because he’s a real fun-gi!
- A large quantity of Viagra was stolen last night. Police are looking for hardened criminals.
- What’s the worst part of blowing up things in space? You have to planet.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? It was two tired.
- What did one plate say to the other? Dinner’s on me tonight.
- Why don’t Atheists solve exponential equations? They don’t believe in higher powers.
- So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
- I once ate a watch. It was time-consuming.
- I was gonna finish this off with a joke about a broken pencil, but it was pointless.
- I live upon bad puns and have had family refuse to sit between me and my grandfather because of our shared bad jokes and puns.
- The other answers have a few puns that I know so here are some of mine.
- Americans can be blamed for the swine flu epidemic. Some of them said that pigs might fly before they had a black president.
- If you want to make time fly, throw an alarm clock out of the window.
- What is the diffrence between a woman and a computer?
- A computer will accept a 3.5inch floppy.
- What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
- An investigator.
- Want to hear a joke about a broken pencil? Forget it, there’s no point.
- Want to hear a joke about ghosts? Yes/No. That’s the spirit.
- Just because you’re trash, it doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s garbage can and not garbage cannot.
- What did baby corn said to its mummy corn? Where’s popcorn?
- Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s soap opera.
- When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
- Never trust someone with a graph paper. They are always plotting something.
- Cop: Whose car is this? Where are you going? What do you do? Miner: Mine.
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn’t last too long for fat people.
- My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends..
- I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
- I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
- Which country’s capital has the fastest growing population? Ireland, everyday it’s Dublin.
- Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get any reaction.
- The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.
- The way to the cemetery, ‘Go straight and take the last rite.’
- How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- Are mountains just funny? They are hill areas.
- Why didn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? It was two tired.
- What do you call dental X-rays? Tooth pics.
- Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours so they just called it a day.
- What did the buffalo say when his son went to college? Bison
- I got new shoes from my drug dealer today. I don’t know what he laced them up with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
- If anybody was selling drugs…weed know about it.
- Did you hear about the guy who lost half of his brain? He is all right now.
- Why do prisoners like the period mark? It means the end of a sentence.
- The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
- Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
- I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
- Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it is two-tired.
- I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
- Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.
- The furniture store keeps calling me back… But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
- Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. – He was high on my list of priorities.
- The best time to open a gift is the present.
- Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
- Did you hear about the guy who was hit on the head with a can of soda? He is lucky it was a soft drink.
- I’d tell a chemistry joke but I wouldn’t get a reaction.
- I have a few jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
- I’m glad I know sign language. It’s pretty handy.
- A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He asks the bartender what he owes. The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”
- The tomato family were walking on the street, baby tomato was little falling behind, Daddy tomato got angry and smacked his son on the head, yelling, KETCHUP!
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